Whether it's long-distance or not, maintaining friendships is hard work. As we age, it becomes harder to make friends and keep them. However, there are clear benefits of maintaining deep connections to others, and scientifically proven reasons why keeping close ties will make you happier (Cole, 2018).
"Between 2009 and 2019, the percentage of teens who reported having "persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness" rose from 26 percent to 37 percent. In 2021, the figure rose to 44 percent" (Bangit, 2022).
Hari (2018) describes what can happen when you lose a close connection to others. In his book, he writes about the First Nations group and the consequences they experienced when they were subjected to separation. First Nation groups are the term for Native Americans in Canada. They were separated to assimilate Indigenous people who survived the European invasion. This caused an uproar in suicides within First Nation groups. However, suicide rates were low when tribes had a sense of control over their communities. Hari (2018) explains, "Humans need tribes as much as bees need a hive" (88). There is a reason why we thrive on connection with other people.
In a separate study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania, researchers examined how to keep friendships in adulthood. The researchers compiled a list of maintenance and strengthening strategies (refer to the image below). A core theme in keeping friendships was prioritization and investment of time.
Specifically, friendships benefit from frequent communication along with shared experiences. Simply reaching out to say hi and check in shows you value your friendship and find the relationship meaningful enough to invest time to preserve it. This fosters a more profound sense of belonging in the friendship.
Shared experience is also a critical part of staying close to friends. Shared experiences can serve as a base for "rich conversation" and initiate the process of wanting to invest more time in the friendship. Each person feels emotionally connected to the other, advancing a solid bond.
Text, call, Snapchat, DM, email, or even write a letter to that friend you haven't talked to in a while! Make the initiative to keep those friendships. It's worth your time.
(Elinkowski & Romney, p. 44, 2020)
Talia Seidman
The UVM Thrive Guide.
By Students, For Students.
References:
Balingit, M. (2022, March 31). ‘A cry for help’: CDC warns of a steep decline in teen mental
health. Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2022/03/31/student-mental-health-decline-cdc/
Cole, D. (2018, November 20). The trick to keeping friends as we get older. The Wall Street
Elinkowski, K. & Romney, M. (2020). Making time for friends: A scientific how-to guide for
maintaining and strengthening friendship in adulthood. Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) Capstone Projects, 183. https://repository.upenn.edu/mapp_capstone/183
Hari, J. (2018). Lost connections: Why you’re depressed and how to find hope. Bloomsbury
Publishing.